dealing with death

Those who know me would probably be surprised to find out that I get affected by people dying, but then again not many, since I only have 5 readers in a good month (i checked the stats hahahaha), i digress.

I would say that I can be critically cynical and sarcastic sometimes often most of the time, i also know i can get quite affected by death. It does not even have to be someone i know, yet i'd feel a deep sense of sadness just reading about a death in the newspaper, even going so far as to imagine who would life have been like if not for his/her untimely demise and naturally you start to question your own mortality. I guess this is all normal for some people but what scares me is when it is someone i know, then i'd flatly refuse to see them lying in the coffin. I had to do so for my grandfather, i still think of him often and do tear up when i do, especially when i recall what he looks like, even looking at his picture provokes the same reaction. Maybe it is because when i saw him in the coffin, he did not look like him, and definitely did not look like how i remembered him. It can be viewed as a blessing in disguise, but i do feel sad that i did not get a chance to say goodbye to Jeanie. Mum kept the knowledge of her passing from us (how it must have pained her) until we visited and the truth was painfully presented.

On a more personal note, we had some bad news in the form of a lump found in WW, which turned out to be stage 3 cancer. Maybe out of defiance or sheer stubborn reluctance to accept it, i refused to entertain any thought of her dying from this and maintained that we were to grow old together. Instead, i chose to channel my energy into helping her get well, believing that choosing to mope or think about such things would only lead to haplessness and an endless cycle of sorrowful and morbid thoughts. No matter what others said or thought of me, i made sure i was always there for her, regardless the situation or circumstance. One example was when she had to go under the knife and she confided that she had never gone under before, and i tried to share with her my own experience from way back. Still, it was a nerve wrecking wait for her operation to finish (three sets of surgeons) and if there was a good time to pick up prayer, that would have been the moment, Instead of waiting at home for the hospital to call (not sure how long beyond ten hours the operation would take), i decided to take a taxi there to wait instead, and after half an hour of peeking into the recovery room, i saw her being wheeled out. The nurse then called me on the telephone (she could have just said a bit louder since i was just behind the door next to her lol) to inform me. I wanted to badly to be there to let her know everything was going to be fine (even though i hadn't spoken to the doctors yet), and i accompanied her being wheeled up to her room, where i slept in fits and starts. I was reminded of another first night i spent in the same hospital after our offspring was born where i also awoke with every movement from the bed next to me. Much happier thoughts that comforted me.

I wasn't sure how to explain to the offspring, but it must have come abit of a shock to see her mother so pale and with so many tubes sticking out of her (drainage for the op sites). Worse was yet to come with the chemo. We tried to preempt the loss of hair by having our hair cut really short, and our dear hairdresser even managed to save her hair to be made into a wig if she wished. Found out later that he even did research into it to see how best to cut and save her hair. It was small actions like these which made me thankful for all the good people around us. We seemed to draw strength from each other, as we dealt with the situations as they came. So many times i would marvel at her strength as she underwent the blast cocktail of drugs that made her so unwell, and there were just as many times when i drew strength from our offspring, who despite being shocked at her mother's condition, was unwavering in her support and even knowing how and when to cheer us up when we needed. My only contribution i could muster up was to try not to be sad or disheartened around the twin lights of my life, and they would never see me break down. False bravado, but that was the best i could do.

They always say that in the end, you always die alone, which may be the case, but the legacy of memories that you leave behind with those around you will live forever in their hearts.

A quotation i came across seemed to sum up the various situations well, and it came from Dracula (how ironic given ww's profession).
"I will not let you go into the unknown alone" - Bram Stoker

soccer on sunday

Proving that we aren't too old to kick a ball around, we joined in the usual Sunday morning kickabout recently, after having attended soccer training sessions and the differences in style and tactics compared to before have become evident.

Being older, it becomes easier to play a possessive style of soccer that passes the ball until the other team becomes fatigued and disorganized. For the first 10 minutes, everything fairly even with our attacking probing with tentative lay off passes and through balls, but it cracked after a first goal by yours truly as we hassled their defenders and i got the square pass which left me 1-v-1 with the keeper, and sensing that he was following the direction of my run to my left, i flicked the ball far post right to score. It was mayhem from that point on, as played solid possession soccer to deny them the ball, tire them out and create chances, so much so that the second half saw so many 4-v-1 situations that it was almost embarrassing as we queued up to shoot at goal. I did manage one more again on my right foot by thumping it near post, taking some minor deflections on the way, but it was on the way in anyways. My team mates also had awesome games as we defended well as a team and attacked fluidly.

The final score of 5-2 flattered them, because we really should have scored more at the rate we were holding the ball, but we enjoyed ourselves and stayed injury free and that's what mattered the most. Also managed to pass to a team mate first-time from a long ball from the keeper by flicking it on between two defenders using my outside heel! Too bad the return pass was snuffled or else it would have made for a really cool goal.

Christmas gig

We did our last gig for the year and interspersed our usual songs with Christmas songs. It is really great to play music with such talented musicians and awesome guys to boot, and we hope this feeling of goodwill and friendship can be felt in the music we played.

Just wanted to wish one and all a very merry and joyous Christmas, may all your homes be filled with laughter and your heart filled with goodwill. =)

Soccer training

In an effort to improve my fitness, i signed up for an adult soccer training program (free trial session) run by a group of professionals, and dragged a friend along. There are parts of it when i felt like my lungs were going to explode and knees were all wobbly, but overall it was good fun. Most of the drills center around "rondo" or as we call it locally "monkey", and the variations were very interesting and challenging, especially when you switch players randomly. The key to it all is of course possession of the ball and the drills were designed to make you think assess the situation quickly and make the pass. A little unsure whether to commit to the weekly sessions yet, but at least it is regular and the guys playing are friendly. =)

Great day out

We just had one of those perfect Saturdays, the type where you want to take a video of the whole day in your mind and keep it carefully in your scrapbook of memories.

Started off as usual with offspring's Chinese class. She was good enough to wake up early and we had a bit of breakfast before heading off (and made it on time). A bit of quiet time for us as we had breakfast (prata, wifely person felt like it), although the place was a bit crowded (and food wasn't that great).

Picked her up after class and we had the usual big grin from her, quite amazing how she loves these classes and then sprouts chinese words (with a bit of ang-mo accent) afterwards. We even took some time to admire the nearby showflat, although the price was a bit too high and the space too small. The offspring was good during mummy's reflexology (for her back) and was sufficiently entertained with a show, Mr Roger's neighbourhood (what a great show).

We then had an appointment with the Osteopath for her because of her persistent runny nose and it turned out to be just the nose, with her lungs remaining clear. We had lunch at Nosh where we had some interesting fish tacos as well as eggs benny, before she took in her naptime at our place. Hung out there until her Nainai and Yeye came and we all headed out for dinner to celebrate Nainai's 60th birthday at Ocean that's at Resorts World Sentosa. Dinner was great with a beautiful view of the aquarium (that seemed to stretch to infinity) and we all enjoyed ourselves with the simple ingredients of the dishes that were well executed. We wanted to go for a walk after dinner and hitched a ride from the internal shuttle buggy that was opened topped. The grin from the daughter was unforgettable. =)

We got dragged into the candy store and when told she could choose one packet for being such a good girl, she did not hesitate and backtracked to where the jellybeans were and picked out a packet. I got dragged to the nearest bench after paying and exiting the store so that she could open the packet to enjoy them. Such a busy day that she fell asleep before we dropped nainai and yeye off, and that was the end of our great family day together.

singing in the ....haze

Sung to the tune of "Have you ever seen the rain" by Creedence Clearwater Revival (and we really need that clear water to revive our air)......

Someone told me long ago
There's a fire before the smog,
I know
My nose is stuck everyday.

When it's over, so they say,
It'll cloud your sunny day,
I know
Tears flow down like water.

[Chorus]
I want to know, have you ever seen the haze
I want to know, have you ever seen the haze
Comin down on a sunny day

Yesterday, and days before,
Cannot breath and so i snore,
I know
Cannot sleep and stare at the time.

'Til forever, on it goes
Try to build a fan to blow,
I know
It can't stop, I wonder.

Chorus

Haze 2013

Every year, we seem to put up with it, the smoggy air, the poor visibility, the feeling that breathing is such an effort, etc, and we dun seem to be able to do anything about it!  PSI readings hit 155 yesterday evening, and is currently 145 today, which means (from NEA):
The following groups should remain indoors and keep activity levels low: 
•People with heart or lung disease 
•Children and older adults. 
 Everyone else should avoid all physical activity outdoors. 

Considering the number of people affected by the haze, shouldn't our government do something about it? Following Mr Wang's post about national productivity, i wonder how many man hours are lost through the actions of farmers in a neighboring country, considering that the haze goes on for much longer and has greater impact on the health of the populace. Which then begs the question again, what is our government doing about it? I would prefer to avoid the standard knee-jerk reaction of setting up a committee of very smart people (who can be very well paid) to investigate this or find a solution (short of installing giant fans), and I sure as hell do not want the creation of a ministry of haze (ministry song: smoke gets in your eyes). Sending a diplomatic note expressing our displeasure that this deplorable act of polluting our air would only go so far, but at least it would seem that our government cares enough to say something, but no, we mustn't offend our neighbor(s). What if the situation were reversed and say one of Singapore's oil refineries started producing smog on a daily basis that blows over a neighboring country? You can bet that they'd be all over us like a cheap suit.

Maybe we should consider alternative energy sources, like wind energy, and post a chain of wind turbines out at sea facing the appropriate directions. Then when the situation arises, instead of getting power from them, we send electricity to them and use them like giant fans to blow it all back. Now that's an idea. Hmmmmm.....

Update: our government did say something. yay. The note about our military and civil defence helping out during the Tsunami is a nice touch. Prepare to be ignored again (unless its election year, then its the "how dare you " retort. 

Soccer on Sundays

Have been playing regularly with a group of guys on Sunday mornings. While the timing is not ideal because it can get rather hot at the later part of the morning, the people playing are friendly and understand (largely) that its social soccer, and we are all conscious of staying injury-free.

The smaller form of the game is suitable for old fogeys like us (at least one guy is above 50!), as long as we adapt ourselves to the game accordingly. There is no shortage of skills on display, and it is tempting (which i do, especially when i'm out of breath) to just sit back and watch the play unfolding around me. I tend to either hang around the midfield waiting to play the ball through (and move forwards) or hang out in front although time on the ball is rather limited (and i dun really fancy playing with my back to goal).

I did manage to contribute a rather nice individual goal from midfield though, which was rare enough. A throw from our keeper dropped over my shoulder while i was running and by some freak occurrence, the ball hit my left foot mid-stride, bringing it down nicely in front of me and leaving a defender stranded. A short sprint after the ball was demanded and duly delivered by your truly, and I managed to get a left boot to connect solidly with the ball. It wasn't a powered shot mind you, more of placement, and the ball dinked nicely to nestle just inside the far (right) post, spinning in the netting, with the goalkeeper out of position. Felt like I had scored the winning goal in a cup final and left a silly grin on my face for the rest of the day. =)

"i'm that dog, who are you" meme

Found the post in my draft folder, never got around to posting it, so here it is:

We were so touched after we read Kingsley's post on the above meme, that Jeanie wanted to post a response then.

I am that dog born on 14 July 1998 whose mother had pedigree papers but not father (even though the latter looks more like a classic BC) resulting in my not having pedigree papers.

I am that dog who was born on a farm with no address near Timaru, New Zealand, and zeenie's mum still has the slip of paper with directions to the farm.

I am that dog whose parents barked at zeenie and family when they arrived to pick me up, then consequently they fell over for a tummy rub after zeenie approached them (z: rather cautiously at first!).

I am that dog who was in a litter of 9 puppies but was the last to be adopted, thus was peeking eagerly over the wooden fenced up area in the barn where i lived.

I am that dog who did a slalom through everyone's legs beginning with the farmer's and ending with zeenie, when the farmer opened the gate to the fenced up area.

I am that dog who refused to get into the box to be transported in zeenie's dad's car back to Christchurch, and had to be carried by zeenie the whole way through.

I am that dog who scratched zeenie's face while on the way back to Christchurch, which incidentally, zeenie's dad got a fine for speeding that day a month later.

I am that puppy who lived in a big box in zeenie's garage for the first few months, and in all that time, only had an accident in the box once. All other times, i would ask for help and be subsequently let out into the garden to do my business.

I am that dog who, until today, remains a very fastidious dog and don't like to get dirty. I especially like the feeling of coming out from the groomers and usually do a little prance around when i'm in the mood.

I am that dog who had a big garden to run around in and who snuck up on birds in the garden to scare them with my barking.

I am that dog who tried beer in the garden and liked it so much, I wolfed down a whole can and was a bit loopy (but very happy) afterwards.

I am that dog who 'interviewed' various gardeners and the ones i got along with got the job. I am also that dog who supervised those gardeners when they came to do their job.

I am that dog who moved up to Wellington when zeenie got a job there, and got to sit in the passenger lounge of the car ferry as the dog kennels were being renovated and i didn't want to wait in the car.

I am that dog who loved the windy city and could be seen with a grin and a wagging tail whenever we went out.

I am that dog who visited Kaitoke a few times to try to find the elves at Rivendell, but no luck. I am that same dog who didn't dare to cross the suspension bridge until zeenie showed me it was ok. Subsequently did not notice suspension bridge (silly me!).

I am that dog who loved Wellington city itself and enjoyed walking along the harbourfront, stopping at cafes for food and drinks.

I am that dog whose favourite cafe is in Lower Hutt, called Janus, because they are pet friendly (outdoors) and the food is yummy! (try to the banana bacon pancakes!)

I am that dog who did not learn agility, did not take obedience classes, but jumped straight in to flygility. I am that dog who did so well, we graduated to the next level of classes after one term. I am that dog who was so proud when mum and dad came to see me perform at my class that i nearly ran into a table leg.

I am that dog who didn't do anymore flygility because zeenie moved back to Singapore and i decided to follow him.

I am that dog who went on a lower north island-upper south island tour with zeenie, wibblewamble, mum and dad before flying to Singapore in a specially constructed crate. I am that dog who enjoyed myself immensely on the first part of the trip as there were many pet-friendly places to stay at. Did not enjoy the second part as i do not like confined spaces and flying! To do both at once was a bother!

I am that dog who gets into fights only with dogs bigger than me, there was once, i saw a St Bernard and was all ready to show him who's boss until zeenie yanked me back and scolded me.

I am that dog who came down with tick fever one Chinese New Year and had to appeal for blood.

I am that dog who fought the tick fever all the way and only stayed in the hospital for 3 days instead of the 5-6 the vet recommended. The vet said I could go home after i persuaded him by jumping on him.

I am that dog who had to take all that medication for my tick fever and responded by spitting, flicking, hiding the various pills that my humans put in nice yummy food for me.

I am that dog who would ask my daddy to take me for walks with a woof or a wink (sometimes less).

I am that dog who posed with my humans when they got a new arrival and I loved her as much as they did.

I am that dog who snuck into the house one day to relax by the window, and would not have been found out (after i ran back out to the yard quickly) if not for the sheepskin rug that i had moved next to the window to protect me from the cold marble floor.

I am that dog who passed away just 2 months short of my 14th birthday, but will live on in my human's heart.

This little piggy....

We have been reading nursery rhymes to the offspring, mainly because she likes it, but also because we like to do it too (never thought i'd say that!). The only problem is that when the offspring likes something, she'd ask for it again and again and again.....and again, seeming never to tire of hearing the same thing (reminds me of Jeanie and her dog food dinner). So sometimes I spice things up a little when i read to her and one of the more recent examples came from a 'Mother Goose' book that is her current fav:


This little piggy went to market, which was in Chinatown and ended up (at least bits of it) next to a sign that proclaimed "best roast pork in cow car water!"

This little piggy stayed at home, smart piggy although also lazy, hence the saying "as lazy as a pig"......also 'home' for a pig is a filthy mudhole. 

This little piggy had roast beef, ok, this is just wrong here. The piggy ate some cow? I suppose they eat through anything, at least according to the movie "Snatch", which is a great movie but you can watch it when you're older.

This little piggy had none. Singapore does not believe in a welfare state where we support those who have none. So this little piggy will have to go out and work for some (for a given definition of whatever 'some' is that is appropriate for pigs), just remember not to look in a market.

And this little piggy went... "Wee wee wee" all the way home... yes, do let us know when you want to wee ok? [we are trying to get her to use the toilet instead of her diaper. =)]

2012

2012 has been a good year for me, filled with much laughter and joy with a big part of that coming from our offspring. She has adapted well to going to school and seems to enjoy being there (99% of the time) with her friends. Career-wise, i managed to take on an event management duty and it went off quite successfully although the stress for those few days actually took a while for me to recover. Not really my cup of tea i think lolz.

Looking forward to 2013, some changes will be happening: getting a new job, moving to a new house (i just need to buy a new car to complete the trifecta hahaha, although at these COE prices right now that's just crazy) and in accordance with a recent sermon i heard, a change of heart is being planned: a new outlook/approach. Instead trying to be nice to everyone, I'm going to devote 2013 to my family and myself. Not having to play for mass also means that I will be less concerned about church and more concerned about my spritual wellbeing. My new attitude to strangers and clients will be described by them as cold, reserved, cordial, professional, quiet (yes, i will try to be zen). To my friends, hopefully they do not feel any change, if anything, i'd value them even more and will try to express my appreciation for their company. Looking forward to the new year!